Senator Risa Hontiveros

Memo to the Dying 11
To: Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel’s Senatorial Ambition
Day of Death: On the first day of the filing of candidacies

Suggested Final Act: Become the Presidential Consort 

Come now Risa, just stop it!  The TV Ad, the pre-election sortie disguised as relief operations, the media relations activities all mean one thing: you don’t get it. People will not vote for you as senator.

You are a fighter. But the best warriors know when a battle cannot be won; nobody is asking you to abandon the war, just this silly fight.

You have your team of analysts, research specialist, image consultants, and media relations officers. That you are still running means either you are  not listening or they are lying.

If the former is the case, you shouldn’t be a senator in the first place. But if it is the latter, then listen: here are three reasons why people won’t vote for you as senator.

a. Your game is solid and sharp, but clearly little league. If you were a tennis player, you’d be a champion in the challengers events or a third-tier tournament. But a grand slam? Unlikely! It’s not image, it’s identity.  You walk, act, and speak as if the world is a four-sided stage and you have mastered your blocking. It seems you have left the theater but the theater has not left you. Look at the ranks of lady senators: Miriam, Loren, Loi Ejercito, Jamby, Nikki, Pia, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Eva Estrada Kalaw. Some of them look frail, some look weak, and one or two look stupid. But they look big-time!

b. Reproductive Health, the issue most attached to you, is too focused and too divisive. No matter what you say, RH seems a fight of women to govern their own vagina – a messy battle if there was one.

c. Bad timing. The archetype you project – sweet but feisty; beautiful and intelligent; glamorous but empowered – is firmly anchored by Loren Legarda. No one can take that away from her. And it is too late to metamorphose into the archetype of Miriam – an old hag and a crazy bitch.

So, give it up and occupy an important vacancy – the president’s consort. Dispose the duties of the First Lady without sharing the President’s bed (because that would be, ewww). Why not? No one is doing that now and PNoy sucks at hosting. And the first sisters are not up for it. Thankfully!

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